Nothing makes you feel "sick" like spending an hour and a half inside an MRI machine. Not cough-cough sick, but people-are-talking-about-you-in-hushed-whispers sick. Inwardly - "investigationally" sick. Where you look completely fine on the outside, but more is brewing beneath. So, I had some (well-deserved) alone time inside a medical coffin yesterday, to image my spinal cord and see if lesions have affected it along with my brain.
An MRI gets hot - and 90 mins of clanking and whizzing makes you feel like you've been cooked from the inside out. While you are stuck in there, the techs like to talk to you over the headset to tell you what's coming up. The best line - on repeat - "Okay Sarah - this next image is going to take 6 minutes. Please stay still and DO NOT swallow." Well, now that that's been perfectly emphasized ALL I can bloody well think about is swallowing. Or coughing. Singing maybe? It took all of my new-found meditation skills to get through that.
I am now 2 weeks into my injections. My dose went up a notch in my titration schedule last night. And I am feeling okay. That is the best of descriptors I can use. Sorry. Better than blah, right? The worse side effects are lobotomizing headaches, exhaustion, and skin redness and reactions. But, I am no longer scared of my boxes of needles - progress.
I have been feeling tingling and numbness in my toes again. It's hard to say if it's a genuine MS relapse or an autoimmune reaction to my brain-conquering medication. Although it is not painful, it is a very real, literally step-by-step reminder to me that something is wrong. My brain is sick, and my body gets to experience it.
Me and my tingly toes went for a pedicure today. A dark purple one. Bring it, rainy season, my toes are ready.
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