Thursday, 18 October 2012

Unconditional love

Sometimes support comes in the smallest of packages.  And sometimes, this support comes from the bond that only a mother and child can share.

I often catch my reflection in a random mirror, stop and stare, and think to myself - my god - you are a Mother.  A Mother.... bearer of life and responsible for everything.  Sometimes it doesn't feel real.  Like the past 5 years have been blurred by some sort of alternate reality.

But last night, Jack, in his littlest and quietest (which, if you know Jack, does not ever happen), asked if he could sit with me while I did my injection.  My boy was willing to give up extra story time with his brother to be with me - and not during the most pleasant of moments.

He sat - incredibly still - and in that same uncharacteristically little voice, would stop me and say "Mommy - I have a question..."  We went through the injection step-by-step, as I explained and he listened. 

Then - he told me if he ever had "what Mommy has he'd be big and strong too."  My heart skipped a beat.  He knew that I was trying so hard to be "big and strong."  In whatever form, he can see it.  And he knows it.  But in that same moment, I looked at him, hugged him - and I hope and wish he never knows his own life with MS.

It was good for both of us.  I needed him to know what was going on.  And so did he.  He still doesn't understand what is wrong with me, or what MS encompasses.  But at least now he can see what I have to do to my body, and is not scared or uncomfortable.

It was an important moment.

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