Emotions are not coming easily to me. It's been like this for months. I feel this unknown weight inside of me - this weight that wants to come bursting out. This weight that wants to cry and scream and just let it all go. I want to let go - unload - some of this emotion.
I want to, but I can't.
Not when it comes to directly facing this. Not when it's just me in a room, alone with my thoughts.
If multiple sclerosis had eyes, I feel like I still couldn't look into them - 5 months later.
Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, the only thought that kept creeping into my subconsciousness was this:
"This is my new forever"
And it's true. This is my "forever." This will be a constant in my life. When people, jobs, and homes come and go, this will always be here. Always. And I hate that.
I just need to say that... I hate that...
(I know this is depressing, sorry - but unloading it - and writing it - helps)