The weekend was spent feeling very dozy and confused. A combination of no prednisone, upped ativan, plus the rest of the relapse flickering away. I feel like my brain is centrifuging. It's not sharp and attentive. I am forgetful, confused, and nauseous.
It's not a pleasant spaced-out feeling.
This past week has, again, reiterated the permanence and fleeting uncertainly of this disease. My vulnerability is unfathomable right now. My perfectionist and systematic personality does not like this. I thought I could lose control (or at least be okay with it) but now I am not so sure. My feelings of strength and resilience are still present, but the self-doubt creeps in faster than you could imagine.
It seems as though I've passed the "test" this week.
But what happens now?...
Life continues on, everyone breathes a sigh of relief that I am okay. Yet still, here I am. Doing this dance.
|My current journal (and some inspiration!)|