Let me just say I will never be president of the PTA.
I will never make 300 cupcakes for my kid's birthday party or for a school bake sale.
Mostly, it's exhaustion, but there is also this niggling sense of mental incapability that can become consuming. Consuming simply because having a life-long disease becomes a chore.
It's hard to not put your kids first. Sometimes you have to say no to that party invitation, cross your fingers you don't become no-fun-mom, and move on.
It's frustrating when your kids don't understand. I know it's important to explain MS to them in terms they understand. And at a level appropriate for their ages. But how does that work? I actually heard myself once saying to Jack "Mommy's brain just can't do that right now." To a 5 year old, what exactly does that mean?
There is never a quiet moment. My boys are my life, but I tell you, they are the loudest and busiest creatures I have ever encountered.
There is more guilt. Yes, more guilt than regular Mom-guilt. And wife-guilt. You do fewer baths, fewer bedtimes, you usually don't go to the park after 4pm.
And I know that one day, most likely, they may resent my health issues. They may be embarrassed, frustrated or disappointed.
But it's okay. I know they don't care who makes the cupcakes. They don't care if Mommy has no make-up on today.
I can only hope that what they go through now, with this, helps turn them into sensitive, caring, empathetic men who value life, love, and family.
|This makes me laugh!|