Tuesday, 31 December 2013

New Year's Eve

Resolutions.  I hate them.  Because I always set myself up to fail.

Stop biting my nails, stop cracking my knuckles.

This year - I just want happiness.  I want to make choices in my life that induce it. Surround myself with the people and things that conjure up a laugh or smile.

I wouldn't label that a resolution, per se, but rather a more conscious way of living.

2013 was my first full year living with my new normal.   Trying to embrace this permanently-revised-version-of-me. 

With full candor, it started with incredible amounts of fear and anxiety.

But, the acceptance I have been (impatiently) searching for - regarding my disease - has finally shown its head.  The process has been emotionally encompassed.  It took about 16 months. 

Much longer than anticipated.  But I am okay with that.

Now, it feels part of me.  Not all of me.

I can inject myself daily, without a second thought, I can deal with symptoms, daily, and move on.  And - the big one for me - I can look at young people with canes, wheelchairs, and scooters without that I-need-to-breathe-into-a-bag hypothetical dread.

Of course, it is still an evolving acceptance.  One that continues to pose many questions and doubts.

But I am so proud of my 2013.  Simply for recognizing and accepting my fate.

Here's to an incredible 2014 for us all!

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