Sunday, 15 March 2015

The E word


I always say my kids are my cardio.  And for the most part, that's true.

I was lucky to be gifted with skinny genes and a high metabolism.  But as my age increases and my abilities and energy become affected by MS, staying fit becomes much harder.

I decided to up my (non-kid) cardio.

But no swimming.  I hate swimming.

(and no Zumba, or anything different, as I'd break an ankle again).

I sucked up any apprehension I had, dug out my old workout clothes, took a deep breath, and just did it.

(Luckily I am still somewhat workout-fashionable.  Cause that's important too).

I knew I had to take it easy.  Not just because I'm not in fantastic shape, but because my head can go from ok to drop-to-the-floor-dizzy in seconds. 

I did the bikes and the treadmill (inclined, fast walking only).

I noticed my balance was incredibly off on the treadmill.  I had to hold the supports the entire time, and if I let go even for a moment, I couldn't move forward in a straight line.  I took lots of time to ensure I stayed cool and drank lots of water, so it wasn't from common MS triggers like overheating or dehydration.  It was simply my brain's reaction to being jostled around.

How things have changed.

Now I know I need to stick to machines I can sit on or hold onto. 

Or get buckled into.  Ha.

To bad couch-potatoing doesn't burn calories.

Despite that, I enjoyed it.  I felt "normal" and healthy.  Well - by the end of it, mostly just dizzy.

Here's to next time!

Thursday, 12 March 2015

Reeling in the expectations

I have a very guilt-filled relationship with my MS.

Mostly to do with my kids.

Life was always go-go-go for me.  Career, kids, balancing the two.  Add in the incredible MS fatigue, and it's so hard to stay above water.

We've talked about fatigue before, but I'll mention it again now.  It is one of the most common symptoms associated with all forms and stages of MS.  And can be severely debilitating.

It's hard to accept that.

Being so stubborn, I attempt to continue on with life - determined to make everything just like before

As if my life is now defined into two stages - before MS and after.

I struggle to keep up with my former self.  Activities, trips with the kids, producing the energy parenthood requires.

And after the start of a very busy spring break with my energy-filled kids, it catches up.  And I feel horrible.  Sick and tingly.  Foggy.

I know the process well.  It's been happening for at least a year now.  But I just don't catch on.  Perhaps I'm clinging to the hope that maybe, just maybe, today it'll be different? 

I probably haven't fully mourned the old me yet.  The woman who was healthy and had only positive life plans. 

And letting go of that order and control.

I can't change what I have been dealt.  And I do my best to be accepting and gentle with myself.

But man, adaptation is hard.  Even years in process.

Today's going to be a restful, quiet day.  And I am grateful.

Thursday, 5 March 2015

Going for broke...

With the persistent walk-talk...

I've been taking a break from blogging for a while now.  For a few personal reasons, none of which need to be mentioned here.

But I want to keep the MS Walk fundraising momentum going.  This is my third year participating, and my third year of living with MS.  This cause means more to me than ever.  I can see potential treatments and discoveries this close to becoming reality.  On the cusp of changing my future, maybe?

My MS hasn't gone away, and it's not going to.  That's why this year should be just as successful as our previous efforts. 

If you haven't joined or donated yet - click here!

A huge thank you to those who have donated, joined the team, or supported me so far!